#75: An infuriating hotel in Vancouver
Death By Consumption
10/7/25 - 10/13/25
I spent all week in Vancouver on a commercial shoot that went through the weekend, and only returned to New York at 2 am last night, so I regret to inform you today is possibly the most half-assed Death By Consumption of all time. I'm delirious. DELIRIOUS!
This week: I watched only one movie on the plane, I got annoyed by the forced whimsy of my hotel room, I discovered a delicious new snack, and I got into the drama between Richard II and Henry IV.
Sorry, Baby (2025) — on Delta
Full disclosure: on my way to Vancouver, I turned off Sorry, Baby after 45 minutes, in favor of watching more Love Is Blind. I have a broken mushbrain and art is wasted on me!
But on the way home I sat through the rest of the film, and mostly enjoyed it. There's really nothing groundbreaking about it, but it's a well-written, well-directed, and well-acted debut from writer/director/star Eva Victor. It's a sorta-comedy about sexual assault, so, you know, your mileage may vary with THAT sort of thing, but I was impressed by how well Eva balanced the tone — they walk a very delicate tightrope between actually funny jokes and devastating emotions, and never once slipped.
That said, nothing with the film stuck with me. It's a quiet, well-made film, a solid debut, and there isn't much more to say than that! Sometimes that's just fine! I expected it to ruin me more than it did (especially at elevation; I will never forget the mess I became after making the terrible mistake of watching Still Alice at 35,000 feet), but I'm not going to complain about a movie not turning me into a blubbering mess at the end. The only thing that really bothered me was that every time we met a new actress I thought, "Wait, is that Ethel Cain?" Ethel Cain, it turns out, is not in this film, but everyone in it has what I can only describe as "Ethel Cain face" and I found it extremely distracting! If a movie has multiple people in it who look like Ethel Cain, I just think it should disclose upfront if any of those people are actually her.
"shamps for your locks" — at the OPUS Vancouver
I stayed all week at the OPUS Vancouver, a hotel that's perfectly fine but clearly has not changed since 2008. Between the dated aesthetics and the fact that I used to live in the Pacific Northwest, I kept having vivid flashbacks to 15 years ago. It felt like I should have been listening to MGMT the whole time I was there, you know?
The most offensive part of the hotel was the insistence on putting cheeky signs on everything. Imagine traveling for 12 hours, arriving late at night, delirious, and stepping into your shower only to be confronted by this:
SHAMPS FOR YOUR LOCKS? Infuriating! This forced-cutesy language was on everything in the room, which made using anything a deeply annoying experience. Every time I washed my hands, I had to stop and think if I wanted to use the "suds for your hands" or the bottle simple labeled "the cream". 🤮 The shower trio was especially annoying, because the copywriter clearly ran out of "cute" language when they got to conditioner: you had "shamps for your locks," "bubbles for your body," and then... "condition your hair." You couldn't even carry your shitty copy system through to the third thing? Annoying and lazy!
Every single time I took a shower I would become briefly consumed with rage. Please keep this Pinterest whimsical bullshit out of my hotel room — I did NOT consent to being visually assaulted by bad twee language 24/7. You might as well have put a neon "EPIC BACON" sign in my room at this point, you know? As a result, I can only recommend the OPUS Vancouver to you in good faith if you are blind and/or illiterate.
Shiitake Mushroom Crisps — from DJ&A
Craft services kept us disgustingly full throughout our shoot days, bringing us an overwhelming selection of food and snacks practically every 30 minutes — there were many nights where we all simply skipped dinner, because the concept of eating more food was genuinely nauseating.
But one snack was never turned away from any of us, no matter how full we were: shiitake mushroom crisps. Some genius figured out you could just bake full shiitake mushrooms and put some seasonings on them, and you'd get a delicious crunchy snack that actually doesn't seem bad for you? (Don't tell me if they are, I really couldn't take that on right now.) The dried-looking mushrooms seemed off-putting to all of us, but once we bit in, we couldn't stop asking for more — they taste like chips, kind of, but also mushrooms? Apparently you can get them at Costco, and probably some other places. All I'm saying is: give shiitake crisps a chance!
The Eagle and the Hart: The Tragedy of Richard II and Henry IV, by Helen Castor (2024) — library ebook
This new dual biography of Richard II and Henry IV, told in highly readable fashion, is one of those great history books that are unfortunately perfect for the current moment. For those of you not up on your 14th century England, Richard II was a bit of a maniac who decided to bend the rules of kingship to benefit only himself, becoming an unpredictable tyrant, who was then overthrown by his cousin, who became the king known as Henry IV.
You don't have to look far to find parallels between Richard II and our own current mad king: there's the absolute need to be the center of attention at all times. The increasing paranoia. The way he was surrounded by men during his early reign who tried to control his destructive impulses, only for Richard to resent their control, and to eventually surround himself with men who would only tell him what he wants to hear, to the detriment of the entire country. Obviously, there are parallels to this mess we're currently in, which makes it a bit of a squirmy read at times.
But when Henry decides to be like, “Wait...fuck this guy,” and sneaks back into England from his exile, and the lords raise their banners for him, I got minor chills. If only a rebellion against a tyrant could be so neat and simple! No bloodshed at all! If only the people momentarily benefitting from the arbitrary good favor of a mad king would so easily realize how it’s in everyone’s best interest to not have an unpredictable egomaniac in charge! If only we had a competent and inspiring opposition leader to rally around! (Hakeem Jeffries thinks he's our Henry IV but he's more like a peasant with an ugly bowl cut jeering as the king's passing carriage splashes him with mud.)
But my main takeaway is that we have to bring trial by combat back. Duels were only used when a "he said/he said" dispute couldn't be solved within the law — and this is a time when everyone was lying and pointing fingers in order to save their own asses — so throughout the book dudes are constantly throwing gloves on the ground and then trying to kill each other in a gentlemanly fashion.
And I just feel like that is the perfect solution to the disinformation crisis we're in. No one knows who to trust, or who's lying, so let's settle it with a duel! Imagine deciding whether they release the Epstein files by making Marjorie Taylor Greene and Mike Johnson fight to the death. Picture Chuck Schumer hacking away at JD Vance with a broadsword. Anthony Fauci and RFK Jr. going dagger-to-dagger in a pit. These are just some scenarios I think we could all enjoy.
Look, we're already living in a 14th century world. TikTok is full of doomsayers and prophets. Medicine is being replaced by prayers and, like, turmeric. The only jobs available are different types of serfdom under the protection/exploitation of a handful of liege lords. And our only form of entertainment is when our rulers drag some poor scapegoated wretch into the town square for us all to collectively scream at. So all I'm saying is: if we've brought all that back, can we not at least occasionally force a couple of these assholes to duel? What's the worst that could happen?