Danny Gottleib

Death By Consumption 2/10/26 - 2/16/26 Okay, it's time for the snow to melt. We've all had our fun, but I am absolutely sick of being stuck behind slow pedestrians on a sidewalk that's been narrowed to a single lane

Death By Consumption 2/3/26 - 2/9/26 I need to speak my truth about something: I have the worst stye I've ever had in my life, one that I have been informed may require surgery if it doesn't go down over the next

Death By Consumption 1/27/26 - 2/2/26 I'm regretfully back from the Bahamas, and I, like the rest of New York, am now furious at Zohran for not getting rid of all this snow yet. Bitch, you've been mayor for a month, why

Death By Consumption 1/20/26 - 1/26/26 Okay, there’s no good way to say this, when half the country is buried under a foot of snow, but: I am in the Bahamas right now. I’m sorry! So, you’ll have to forgive me for a

Death By Consumption 1/13/26 - 1/19/26 Our president, whose brain is leaking out of his ears, is enlisting more and more Nazi death squads to snatch people off the street and terrorize the elderly and children in the Midwest, while mulling how best to crater the

Death By Consumption 1/6/26 - 1/12/26 I spent most of the week in Aspen for my dear friend Meghan's wedding, and then I came back to the city and promptly chopped off the tip of a finger while making Gwyneth Paltrow's veggie

Death By Consumption 12/23/25 - 1/5/26 Well, I truly thought this day would never come. Opening my laptop after the break felt like an attack, and I walked into the office yesterday like Maduro — disoriented, hair askew, random water bottle clutched in my hands, wondering how

Death By Consumption 12/16/25 - 12/22/25 It's Christmas Eve Eve, and I regret to tell you this will be the last email of the year — I simply will not be opening my computer next week, not when there's so much lounging and

Death By Consumption 12/9/25 - 12/15/25 Every year around this time, I get disproportionately furious whenever I have to do work. We should all be given the entire month of December off, as if we lived in a Christmas movie set in London, to spend our

Death By Consumption 12/2/25 - 12/8/25 Last night, Justin and I got our first-ever Christmas tree, and it turns out he and I have very different ideas of how you should string lights on your tree. Our sides essentially boil down to: "evenly space them