#44: Meghan Markle, Duchess of Bees

Death By Consumption 3/4/25 - 3/10/25 Not to take it to a place of Covid right off the bat, but today marks, insanely, 5 years since it was declared a pandemic. Doesn't that feel like much longer ago? Surely five years isn't

#43: Je suis Emilia Pérez

Death By Consumption 2/25/25 - 3/3/25 I did it. In the nick of time, I finally watched Emilia Pérez, a grueling process that literally took me three days. I started it on Saturday but felt so overwhelmed that, 30 minutes in, I had to turn it

#42: Cher should start a newsletter

Death By Consumption 2/18/25 - 2/24/25 Forgive me for sounding like your most boring coworker but: how are we already two months into the year? I guess time really flies when a plane crashes every day. This week, I really spent a lot of time grappling

#41: The Oscar-nominated live action shorts almost killed me

Death By Consumption 2/11/25 - 2/17/25 It's one thing that we're constantly bombarded by news stories involving Elon Musk, but is it too much to ask to not also get frequent updates on his penis? First we're forced to hear

#40: I may have harassed Bruce Campbell

Death By Consumption 2/4/25 - 2/10/25 After a Week of Rest and Relaxation, post-ablation, it's very exciting to be, like, ambulatory. Still, there are restrictions — I can't quite walk at New York City speed without triggering a heart flutter, which is proving

#39: I had heart surgery, give me attention

Death By Consumption 1/28/25 - 2/3/25 I am currently recovering from — as I must admit I have enjoyed dramatically saying all week — some minor heart surgery. I had an ablation at the end of last week, which the doctors and nurses assured me was routine and

#38: Bob Dylan was the Rita Ora of his time

Death By Consumption 1/21/25 - 1/27/25 January should be illegal. Flop month, flop weather, flop president, flop country. I feel like there must have been a time when January content was stuff like "10 cozy hot chocolate pairings to snuggle up with!" and now

#37: Jesse Eisenberg, you will be dealt with

Death By Consumption 1/14/25 - 1/20/25 I don't know about you, but I am loving how cheap eggs are today. It's just so good to know that finally power is back where it belongs: in the hands of white crypto scammers. Over

#36: BLEAKNESS ABOUNDS

Death By Consumption 1/7/25 - 1/13/25 The past few days, as I watched Los Angeles burn from afar, destroying homes and lives and places I've loved, while texting friends for updates on when they were deciding to flee, it finally set in: oh fuck,

#35: Nominate Nosferatu for Best Comedy, you cowards

Death by Consumption 12/24/24 - 1/6/25 I did not expect this, but my biggest question so far in the new year is: should I watch Emilia Pérez? It sounded stupid and I had zero interest, but then it won a baffling amount of awards at the